Got the news that Yasmin Ahmad passed away today. And to think that just a few weeks back, she was just back from Taipei and asked me if I’d like to watch the Muallaf and Talentime screenings, and told me that she’ll be headed for Saigon next.

Yasmin Ahmad was definitely a Malaysian through and through. In between all the political and racist nonsense that’s going around in all directions in Malaysia that make us ashamed and embarrassed for being Malaysians, her films and advertisements on the other hand make us proud to be Malaysians, and never fail to make us sit back and think “You know what, Malaysia’s a pretty cool place after all.. a lovely plural society, a mixing pot of cultures..”.

I was planning to drop by at Leo Burnett again in the coming couple of weeks or so to watch Muallaf and Talentime for the first time, and get some DVDs from her if she had made the copies already. Between the time that she came back from Taipei and leaving off to Saigon, I was busy, and we planned to meet up after she’s back from Saigon. Well, looks like that plan got cut short.

I wouldn’t say that I truly knew her well although we have met quite a number of times. Hell, I’ve never even had any pictures taken together with her, not even on the set of Muallaf. Sometimes, Yasmin being the funny and naughty person that she was, used to give me some weird advice, like that time when I told her that the nurse at the Mediviron clinic looked hot and she could easily be an extra in her films, and she just told me “Tell you what.. when you walk up to the counter to collect your medication, ask her for her phone number. If she gives it to you, the next thing you need to do is ask her out”.

I guess that’s her worldview. Always direct, and always passionate about life, about relationships (and potential relationships). She dispensed similar advice when we were checking out that cute waitress at Subang Parade.. and kindly obliged to the waitress’ request for an autograph and helpfully told her “This macho man over here is still single, by the way!”.

Well, that’s her.

Always spontaneous, and sometimes unpredictable.. like how she’d break out into swear words around Harith Iskandar at times.

I guess that’s about the only things I’ll remember of her.. always encouraging me to go after one cute girl or another, and always cordial with whomever she comes across. Like that time in Ipoh, when she asked me where were my wallet, handphones, etc. and I told her “Oh, I left it with Wahida.. it’s in that thing of hers.. that bag, or sack.. That sack thing” and she asked me “Oh, her sack?? When will you get her in the sack with you? YOUR sack?” and I laughed and was saying some shit about getting Wahida in my sack when awkwardly, that cute and pretty Wahida came in.. I sodding hope she didn’t hear none of that shit, though.

She’s always low-profile, and people had to look twice to be sure that she’s Yasmin Ahmad. I remember this time when we were having a meal at KFC, and a family sitting nearby kept glancing towards our table, and eventually walked over and asked her “Excuse me, are you Yasmin Ahmad?” and she just replied “Yes, I am! And you’re mister?..” and that guy replied accordingly and told her “We’re all big fans of your movies and advertisements! Keep up the good work, nice to have seen you here!”.

Well, I really don’t know how to feel knowing that she has passed away. On the one hand, she has always felt like that nice distant friend who’s always ready to lend an ear any time of day. On the other hand, she’s this larger-than-life director and film-maker that I don’t really know all that well. I’m not sure why I haven’t really gotten to know her better while she was alive.

She had even asked me before, “Sayang, when are you coming over to watch a screening of Muallaf? Just tell me when you’re free and I’ll put in on for you at the Leo Burnett auditorium”. Somehow, regretfully, I never made the time to do so. At other times, knowing that it’s a public screening, I would be “busy” partially because I really am, and perhaps partially because there might be some sycophants and ass-kissers roaming about to get close to her. Hell, it even got to a point when she asked me “I’ve screened Muallaf to thousands of audiences all over the world, when would you like to see yourself on screen?” and I told her “Well, I’m sure I sucked”. Bloody hell, I was only on for a couple of minutes or so, I’m sure it’s not much of a fuss to make about.

I remember that time while we were having supper, and she excitedly told me that she managed to secure funding for Talentime (or was if Muallaf?) from a kind old man in Ipoh who was a big fan of her movies. While making her earlier movies, she got to know this man and he (who’s pretty loaded) really appreciated her efforts at making Malaysian movies and he offered her RM1 million of his own money to finance her next film. And she thanked God for it.

On the set of Muallaf, they were shooting a scene till 4am. When it was a wrap, she went over to the monitor to check things out, and once certain that she got the shot, she gave everyone a thumbs up, and kinda said “Thank God!” for the good shots too.

At every turn, whenever good fortune smiled down on her, she’ll thank God. Whenever she had any setbacks, she’ll say she has her faith in God to see her through.

Well, that’s her. Always faithful and optimistic.

I remember that time when we had a long, long conversation till late at night about inter-racial relations and inter-racial relationships.. and she told me that she’s quarter-Japanese because one of her grandparents is a Japanese, but now she considers herself a Malay and a Malaysian, and don’t see her parents or grandparents as immigrants or anything like that. And she married a Chinese man because of his sincerity and how he cared for her. And she gave another funny nugget of advice - Try not to marry a Chinese, try and make it an inter-racial marriage for the sake of my children and the future of the country. Haha. Well, that’s a pretty good advice, I must say.

When I eventually had a Chinese girlfriend, her advice was that I must make sure my children are color-blind (racially) and have a true Malaysian spirit. I joked back to her “Yeah, I’ll show them your films and ads. That would help, right?”. She asked me to make sure I invite her for my wedding but well, looks like that’s another plan cut short.

Well, I don’t really know what else to say exactly. I had the privilege of knowing her personally, but I wished I could have known her better than I did. I’m sure that there are many other friends of hers out there who, like me, had their plans with her cut short as well.

One thing that we can’t deny is that her legacy will definitely remain for a long, long, long time. To many, if not all Malaysians, her works are way up there with P. Ramlee. She’s the pride of our nation, our own local heroine.

She (and her works) will always be larger than life yet small enough to fit into each of our hearts.

Rest in Peace, Yasmin. And may our Malaysia someday be your Malaysia.

Being a gym buff (once upon a time) and also a gearhead, I’ve often been asked these questions - what the hell are steroids? Are they safe to use? Is it worth the trouble? Why are they banned in so many countries?

“Steroids” are actually a general term for any substance that is derived from cholesterol. Corticosteroids, which happen to be excellent anti-inflammatory agents (such as hydrocortisone and betamethasone) do not have much anabolic effects and can’t be used for bodybuilding, but they’re technically steroids. Therefore, from this point on, when we mention the term “steroids”, we’re actually referring to AAS, i.e. Androgenic and Anabolic Steroids.. steroids that have a positive effect on protein synthesis and testosterone levels; steroids than have anabolic and androgenic properties.

While I was at Thailand, I demonstrated to my friends (to their surprise) of how easily steroids are available over the counter in most pharmacies. Just ask them if they have it, and they’ll whip out a catalog for us to choose. Actually, it’s the same case in India, Brazil and many other countries. Steroids are sold over-the-counter in pharmacies, with descriptions of legitimate medical indications, e.g. “For the treatment of such-and-such syndrome and the promotion of protein synthesis”.

Many gym buffs or people who are trying to get fit would be tempted to get on ‘roids at one time or another, myself included. But we always have serious reservations - are they safe? Why are they illegal in most countries?

Let’s start with the latter question. Why are they illegal in many countries?

This was a remnant of Reagan-era politics. During the Reagan Administration, steroids were labelled as “drugs”, and the “War on Drugs” extended to steroids. It’s more of a political maneuver than a scientific one, as hundreds and thousands of athletes continue using steroids under medical supervision, and steroids are a part of AIDS patients’ cocktail of drugs to combat muscle wasting.

Here are some quick facts about most AAS:

1) By themselves, they’re not chemically “addictive”. Steroids do not cause addiction.

2) Steroids have drastic side effects, but only in unreasonably high doses. Hell, we get bad side effects from excessive sugar and rice too, right?

3) Different steroids have different pathways and different effects.

4) Not all steroids are created equal. The risk of side effects and the potential for big gains are inversely proportionate. The faster-acting a steroidal compound is, the higher the likelihood of short-term and long-term side effects. The “weaker” a steroidal compound is, the less its likelihood to impart detrimental side effects.

Alright, so what the heck are steroids anyway? I’ve heard bullshitters at the gym that said steroids are chemicals that help you build muscles. In Thailand, the pharmacists refer to steroids as “hormones”. Both are technically not-so-correct, but the former more so. Steroids are not merely “chemicals”. Steroids are derivatives of testosterone (or other steroidal hormones such as nortestosterone, dihydrotestosterone and ecdysterone), or they could also be agonists of protein synthesis that do or do not involve the action of androgenic receptors (that is mediated by testosterone).

Arguably the first steroid ever discovered was androstenone, which gave scientists a clue towards the discovery of testosterone (which is actually a contraction of a very descriptive name that was coined upon its discovery - testicular sterol ketone, whereby “sterol” refers to “steroid alcohol”). Testosterone was basically an organic ketone that exerts effects on steroidal receptors, and it originates from the testicles. Anyway, back to steroids being derivatives of testosterone and the like.

One of the most “popular” forms of steroids are testosterone esters. These are nothing but the hormone testosterone itself that’s binded to at least 3 to 4 different esters of different chain-lengths. These esters decay in water at different rates, and upon their complete decay they will release the free testosterone molecule. That’s how testosterone esters achieve their “timed release”. 4 different esters of different chain lengths, decaying at different rates, thus releasing free testosterone in the blood stream at different rates. By carefully selecting the appropriate ratio of testosterone esters based on the esters’ half-lives, a user can ensure a steady elevation of free testosterone levels for up to a week.

What the heck do all these free testosterone molecules do?

Well, for one, they’ll bind to the steroidal receptors on the muscle tissues. Receptors and agonists function like locks and keys. When an agonist binds to a receptor, it will open the lock, i.e. activate a function. In this case, when testosterone binds to the steroidal receptors, it will trigger the muscle to grow via hypertrophy. Muscular protein uptake will increase, and protein synthesis to thicken the muscles’ myofibrils will ramp up.

Another mechanism in which steroids can act is to activate protein synthesis directly without binding to the steroidal receptors. Some steroids have a strong anabolic (muscle-building) response but a weak androgenic (sex-hormone related effects) response, but this is not always the case. Most steroids have strong anabolic AND androgenic responses. Those with minimal androgenic response are those that do not trigger the steroidal receptors directly.

For here, we can see a potential to maximize our gains - by combining steroids that are androgenic/anabolic, together with steroids that are anabolic and not-so-androgenic, and combine it further with stuff that dampen androgenic response. That is how the practice of “stacking” steroids came about.

For example, testosterone esters are very anabolic and androgenic at the same time. When you’re on it, you’ll be getting acne, water retention, balding, etc. (all those unwanted androgenic responses) in addition to massive muscle gains. Those androgenic responses happen due to testosterone’s tendency to aromatize to estrogen.

To minimize androgenic effects, we must then combine testosterone esters with some estrogen blocker, which are usually breast cancer medication such as Tamoxifen and Nolvadex.

Waiting for an anabolic response from steroidal receptor action will take some time, sometimes up to 3 weeks. So what do we do in the meantime? How do we get our bodies up to speed? Well, naturally we’ll have to jack up protein synthesis without raising androgenic effects in the meantime. Combining another steroid like Dianabol early in the stack will help with this, since Dianabol is quite fast-acting and triggers protein synthesis in a very rapid and direct manner.

And there we have it, a classic stack that is used by bodybuilders - Dianabol to give some gains while testosterone esters are taking their own sweet time to kick in, in combination with Nolvadex or Tamoxifen to reduce androgenic effects. That’s what the bodybuilders that I know use.

But what are these side effects that people always hear about? Steroids’ side effects can be divided into two broad categories:

1) Androgenic side effects

2) Liver-related side effects

Androgenic side effects are the most common. They’re the direct result of the masculinizing effects of testosterone on women (for women steroid users), or the aromatization of testosterone into estrogen (for men users). This can be overcome or avoided by using smaller dosages of steroids, or stacking them with estrogen blockers (for men).

As for liver-related side effects, they are the result of overloading the liver with oral steroids for more than 4 or 5 weeks. While testosterone esters are injectable steroids, others such as stanolozol and dianabol are oral steroids that need to be metabolized or processed by the liver in order to take effect. However, the human liver is so damn efficient that it’s more likely to neutralize steroids before they can exert any effect. So, oral steroids are made with an alkyl group attached to the 17-alpha position of a testosterone molecule, a process known as 17-alpha alkylation. Alkylation involves methylation or ethylation of the testosterone molecule, thus replacing the hydrogen atom with a carbon atom.

17-Alpha-alkylation through methylation and ethylation serve to enable steroids to pass through the liver without being broken down, but at a cost- the liver isn’t able to metabolize the modified molecule, and thus the methylated or ethylated testosterone molecules pass through the liver undamaged while retaining their androgenic and anabolic properties. The alkyl group cannot be removed by the liver and the testosterone (or other steroid molecule) isn’t able to be rendered inactive to their 17-keto steroid form.

Subsequently, the liver has to work overtime to metabolize the modified molecules but to no avail. This is the factor that causes extra stress to the liver in users of oral steroids. Alkylation of testosterone with different methyls and esters can give rise to different combinations of steroid molecules with various anabolic and androgenic effects, hence the wide variety of steroids available in the market. However, 17-alpha alkylation also comes with another price - when the testosterone derivative aromatizes to an estrogenic compound, it would be a methyl estradiol equivalent, i.e. a potent estrogenic compound. Thus, 17-alpha alkylated steroids could be more potent that testosterone esters and testosterone suspension, but they could also potentially impart more significant estrogenic effects.

Therein lies the difference of reality vs perception - many would think that oral steroids are safer than injectable steroids, because if you use an injectable (like T-esters or Deca durabolin) you’ll look like a junkie. The truth is that injectables are always safer than orals. However, orals are often faster-acting than injectables. Orals also have much shorter half-lifes (a few hours for Dianabol, versus a few weeks for testosterone esters) so they stay in our bodies for a shorter period of time.

(However, even the claim that orals increase the odds of liver damage seems contentious - traditional methods of determining liver damage involve mainly ALT/SGPT and AST/SGOT tests, which test cell damage by gauging enzyme leakage. That was what the steroid-related liver damage research was based upon. However, ALT and AST values can also be elevated by MUSCLE DAMAGE. Hence, the increased serum glutamic values could be from damaged muscle cells as a result of high-intensity workouts in steroid users, and not necessarily from liver damage due to steroid use. Tests that can reveal the difference between muscle cell damage and liver cell damage, such as creatine kinase testing in combination with GGT, provide circumstantial evidence that oral steroids do not cause liver damage in doses taken by bodybuilders after all..)

Through all of this, a common thread can be seen- steroid usage involves compromises. Bigger gains at the expense of health. Lesser liver damage at the expense of gains. However, this doesn’t only apply to steroid usage, it applies to most supplement usage. Only that with steroids, the effects are faster, both in terms of gain and side-effects.

There’s another thing about steroids - no matter what, they’re just like supplements. You can’t be popping some potent AAS like Dianabol and sit on your ass all day, and expect to grow muscles from out of nowhere. It doesn’t work like that. Steroids are a helping-hand when you’re PAST your genetic limit. Only when you’ve reached a plateau will you find steroids helpful, and even so you’ll need to work your ass off to get that extra mile. Steroids help you to break down the obstacles a bit, but it’s no free ride.

What’s the most realistic expectations can one have from steroids? Personally, I would say that it would help with lagging body parts like calves and forearms. In higher doses of course it’ll help with the muscular development of our whole body. But in the interest of maintaining symmetry, proportion and athletic functionality, I would advocate against using steroids for gaining base mass. Base mass should be gained from good old fashioned compound movements and high-volume high-intensity workouts.

Would I say that steroids are safe to use? Of course they are. Otherwise they won’t be used by patients or numerous muscular disorders. They’re only not safe when overdosed and excessively abused. What substance is, for that matter? Steroids are no different. Within their stipulated and recommended amounts, they won’t have major side effects.

But there’s still the issue of steroids being banned substances? Well, yeah. It’s political and anyone who knows a thing or two about steroids can see that. No surprise, then, that the Obama Administration might overturn a 20-year old bill that classifies steroids as illegal compounds. Once the Obama Administration removes steroids from the list of illegal substances and steroids can once again be sold over the counter with prescriptions, will they lose their stigma? Probably. Will they be more widely abused? Hard to say.

The thing about steroid use and abuse is that it’s so rampant and people are getting their goods through “underground” channels. If it were to be legalized, legitimate pharmaceutical companies like CIBA, Roche and others will start marketing quality versions in the American market again and it’ll definitely reduce the risk that bodybuilders face as compared to resorting to “underground” substances.

I know quite a number of people who are steroid users and they have not exhibited any serious side-effects from long-term steroid use mainly because they do not overdose or get greedy on it. If any reasonably fit guy asks me if he should get on a steroid regiment in order to be competitive in pro-bodybuilding, I might just say “why not”, as long as he’s making an educated decision with the right expectations.

In conclusion, I’d say that if someone wants to get on ‘roids, he/she may do so. Just as long as he/she is reasonably well-informed about what he/she is about to do, and doesn’t get greedy.

“What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way”

-Johnny Cash, “Hurt”.

I remember my months in Hanoi. I remember my months in Saigon. I remember Phuket. I remember Krabi. I remember my week in Sydney. I remember Arhus. I remember those weeks in Singapore. I remember those getaways to Nilai and Melaka. I remember my nights in Kuching and Kota Kinabalu. I remember those nights walking by myself along Gurney Drive in Penang.

I remember those nights I spent driving without a destination in mind. I remember Banting. I remember Dengkil. I remember getting lost between KKB and Frasers Hill. I remember those nights I headed up to Genting. And of course I remember those drives to Bentong through the dangerous jungle roads. The drives back from Teluk Intan through the coastal road.

Now what in the hell am I talking about right here?

I have no sodding idea. Maybe it’s times like these that I feel like I want to just run, run, run till I can outrun my sorrows and problems.

There’s this shit in engineering (I’m sure it came from Mathematics) called a cuspid curve. That’s like a reflex point.. an inflection point. A point at which something hits a minima before bouncing off again, from the imaginary plane to the real or from the negative plane to the positive (and vice versa).

I guess I’m at that point in my life right now.

What’s the worst thing to invest with? Money? Time? Feelings? Intellect? I’d say that the worst things to invest with are our feelings. When we’ve invested feelings into an enterprise or a venture, we won’t really know what we’d get in return. It’s a high-risk venture with an unknown gain. Some people strike gold and hit it big. Others invest big and get jack shit in return.

I don’t mind investing money, time and intellect into one thing or another, capital-guaranteed or not. But feelings, that’s one currency that we’re wont to invest with but our returns vary greatly from one individual to the next. However, like any other investment, when we don’t keep our eggs in one basket we can gain and lose across the board, and sometimes one gain offsets a loss and we get a net gain, and feel good about it. But if it goes the other way and we end up with a net loss, that’s when we find solace in a Church, in a car, or at the bottom of a bottle, or all three (and not necessarily in that order).

I suppose most of the cusps in the trajectories of our lives are caused by our emotional investments. Nothing alters the paradigms and mentalities contained within our souls and psyches as much as changes or impacts to our emotions.

We’re dealt a blow, and we change. Some of us resist and get screwed up. Some of us bend over backwards and we get screwed up. To rise up from the ashes with added wisdom and a lesson for life is more of an exception than a rule.

Sometimes we’re afraid to have our hearts broken and we end up breaking another’s. Sometimes we’re afraid of breaking another’s heart and at the end of the day the only heart we broke is our own. The size of the crack, or the magnitude of the damage to our hearts, is determined by the amount of emotions we have invested in the very source of the breakage.

Perhaps I’m gradually drifting towards becoming a wild horse again. Perhaps I’m turning to the bottle again. Perhaps I’m finding comfort in solitude again. Perhaps I find more comfort being in my element and letting my hair down without a care in the world rather than being reserved, careful and conservative. I have no idea.

I’m at the cusp of my life, I’m feeling the same old familiar sting, and how I choose to deal with it will plot my direction for the next couple of decades at least.

To whoever it may concern, I’m sorry.. and you can’t return to me, I must return to you, that’s how it’s positioned at this point.

“So I will lose myself and bare my soul
Take this chance cause heaven knows
I’m so far gone, my choice is made
And even if my heart should break

When I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I’ll always say
You’re the best mistake I ever made”

-Joanna Wang, “Best Mistake I’ve Ever Made”

Soapy, Teabag and Sim. Poor Sim was suffering from lack of sleep, eyebags and all.

So we had our own Kangaroo Bar reunion at Cheers on Friday night, sans a couple more people.. Damien and Avin couldn’t make it. I guess we had our nicknames down pat.. Teabag, Cockburn, Soapy/Soapman.. hell, I’m sure we could come out with more as more stories get shared.

Our time in Cheers was a blast, it was a time to let our hair down, to dedicate songs to our friends in Phuket and to our Unit, and hope for another trip like that.. minus the baggage of course. It’s hard when we’re off to a trip with baggage, and worse still to return with some.

According to Hustler/Soapy/Soapman, apparently I had the most fun at Cheers out of that group. Is it? I can hardly remember. I just remembered that the Pinoy live band over there was rocking and we were having fun with them, dancing and shit. Oh hell, perhaps I was the only one dancing, I dunno. But who gives a shit, that’s what having fun is all about.

I was trying to request for U2’s “With of Without You”, but they didn’t have it.. or rather, he could play it but the lady asked me if I’d like to sing it. Nope, no thanks. I think she either came up to me or put the mic up to my mouth and asked me to sing something but I ended up saying something like “Err.. I sing like shit”. I requested for a Filipino song, “Kailanman”, but they don’t play it. Shit.

So, what did they play? From what I recall, there was YMCA.. there was Mustang Sally.. there must have been something from Elvis ’cause I remember I was saying some shit about The King.

At the end of the day, when the Pinoy band was packing up, the lady came up to me and asked “Are you always this fun or is it because of the drinks?” and Shanker helpfully replied “He’s always like that” to which I said “Yeah. And the drinks too” and she asked again, “So you’re always like this, just having fun? You’re not shy at all and you were just enjoying yourself”. I forgot what I replied, but maybe it was “That’s the general idea”, or “No shit”, or “How about that”. I dunno.

Whatever the hell happened and whatever the hell I said, it was an extremely fun night out with the guys, just to trade stories about our beloved Kangaroo Bar and our faraway friends, and to bust each others’ balls with accusations of “Don’t talk cock!” followed by some nut-busting maneuvers. Hustler got a “Don’t talk cock!” from me related to his creativeness in cleaning up himself, and I think I got several “Don’t talk cock!”s from the other guys due to some inconsistencies in my testimonies about our recent black ops mission.

But you know what.. the solid time we had only made me miss Kangaroo Bar even more. What else can I say but “Pom kit teung Kangaroo Bar mak leuy!!“

“If I wasted your beauty, I’ll ignite it somehow..
’cause a dream can be cruel when it haunts you like this
with your eyes like a deer and the words from your lips

What I’m trying to say is I was afraid that you’d leave
so I slept with my failures and I started to grieve..
I started to grieve..”

-Matthew Ryan, “Some streets lead nowhere”

Daunting decisions bring out the worst in us all. I’m seeing the worst of me coming up right now itself. My head’s like a junkyard full of precious treasures as well as unwanted scraps from days of yore.. and I’m picking at them while they’re cluttering my thoughts.

Of all times, I’m asking myself right now “Is this what I want”. Of all times, I’m asking myself right now “Is this the right way to go”. There could be a catalyst, there could be a trigger.. I could have been Stockholm’ed without realizing it all these years, I don’t bloody well know.

But now, I’m asking myself this question.. Am I doing the right thing? There’s a fork in the road, the choice is black or white, but the considerations are all in heavy shades of gray. This fork was there all along but perhaps I didn’t pay enough attention to it. Perhaps it looked like it was 500 miles away while I was covering half a mile a day. But now here I am, at the point that the road diverges, and I’ve got to make a decision.

I could camp this one out. I could take a break. But if I take a break or distract myself, I could risk not coming down the same path ever again. It could be for better or it could be for worse, I can’t tell at this point, not when my brain’s at its least objective mood in its operational history.

All I can do at this time is to uncluttter my mind and heart and hope for some guidance from on high.

How did you get so drunk and disappointed?
Ain’t nothing here to pull you through
How did you get so drunk and disappointed?
The worst you’d fear is coming true.. it’s coming true

-Matthew Ryan, “Drunk and Disappointed”

Well it had to happen. Our unit is suffering from withdrawal symptoms and we’re gonna meet up tomorrow for an actual situational debriefing.. we all returned from Phuket at different times and different days, so we didn’t really had an opportunity to open up and continue the story-sharing and camaraderie-building after our mission.

Everyone’s missing Phuket, it seems. Everyone’s missing the crazy moments we had, the great friends we made, and the lovely ladies we knew. Some of us still kept in touch with our friends in Phuket, while others didn’t. And of course, everyone missed the one and only KANGAROO BAR.

But most importantly, we’re meeting up tomorrow to keep in touch between ourselves. As Karu put it, we as good friends bonded on a different level while on our mission. It’s probably because we got to see our friends’ hopes and fears, moments of strength and vulnerability, and overall good and bad luck.

Hustler’s under the impression that I had the most fun in Phuket within our unit. I would like to disagree with this statement relative to the rest of our unit because everyone had fantastic fun, but on a personal level I certainly had plenty of fun and plenty of good memories to bring home.

By now I guess our unit’s gonna be a mainstay at each others’ bachelor parties and future trips abroad. We certainly are a bloody fun bunch that’s more than the sum of our parts. I’m looking forward to seeing them again tomorrow, that’s for sure.

Here’s to The Unit!

Just back from Phuket with our own little operational detachment unit.. We should really get together again and do some other fun stuff like this someday.. Thanks so much Frank, Bram, Philip, Leornado, Hans, At, Hustler, Karu, Avin, Mel, Shanker, Damien, Yip.. and most of all “Sim” Dussani.. what a bloody blast we had.

Kangaroo Bar absolutely rules, and it’ll always have a special place somewhere inside of me. The rest of the joints in Bangla Road can kiss my hairy yellow ass. Kangaroo Bar is the only joint in Patong with any degree of decency and dignity!

I figured that at the end of it, it will be like “Mission’s over, exfil in progress” but it’s not as easy as what can be said.

I hereby dedicate these tunes to my best memories of my time in Kangaroo Bar and beyond, here’s to the 14th of June 2009, our final and best night in my best trip yet with the guys.

Eve6 - Here’s to the Night

So denied, so I lied, are you the now or never kind?
In a day, and a day, love I’m gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had? Are you cool with just tonight?
Here’s a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here’s to the nights we felt alive
Here’s to the tears you knew you’d cry
Here’s to goodbye
Tomorrow’s gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay, not to go, I wanna ditch the logical
Here’s a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here’s to the nights we felt alive
Here’s to the tears you knew you’d cry
Here’s to goodbye
Tomorrow’s gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can’t I stay an hour or two or more?
Don’t let me let you go..

Here’s a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here’s to the nights we felt alive
Here’s to the tears you knew you’d cry
Here’s to goodbye
Tomorrow’s gonna come too soon

Dishwalla - Angels or Devils

This is the last time
That I’m ever gonna come here tonight
This is the last time - I will fall
Into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
Come around
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This is the last time
That I’m ever gonna give in tonight
Are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

Still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could break us

If I was to give in - give it up, and then
Take a breath - make it deep
Cause it might be the last one you get
Be the last one
That could make us cold
You know that they could make us cold

I’m always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Goo Goo Dolls - Name

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can’t turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you’d lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away

And now we’re grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don’t belong to no one
That’s a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won’t tell no one your name

And I won’t tell ‘em your name

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don’t it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

You grew up way too fast
And now there’s nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won’t tell no one your name
And I won’t tell em your name

I think about you all the time
But I don’t need the same
It’s lonely where you are come back down
And I won’t tell ‘em your name

Jon Secada - Angel

I, I can’t read the future
But I still want to hold you close
Right now, is all I want from you
So give me the morning
Sharing another day
With you, is all I want to know

And baby I, I’ve tried to forget you
But the light of your eyes still shine
You shine like an angel
A spirit that won’t let me go

I, I didn’t want to tell you
Things I didn’t want to know myself
I was afraid to show
But you gave me a reason
A reason to face the truth
To face the truth, face the truth, face the truth

And baby I, I’ve tried to forget you
But the light of your eyes still shine
You shine like an angel
A spirit that won’t let me go
Won’t let me go
Let go of my heart

Here’s to Kangaroo Bar, to Bangla Road, to Patong, to Phuket. All of them deserve one big HELL YEAH. One door has closed while others may have opened.

“After examining all the evidence and relevant testimonies, I hereby declare this worthy of the Wall of Fame” - Sgt Major Jonas Blane, Alpha Company, SFOD-Delta (303rd Logistical)

“Postcards use short words..
Deserted lovers got what they deserve
Only wished that you had turned to say
It’s alright, I still love you anyway..

Watch that crow as it floats from view
Radio towers and dark hills drift
Photographs are pinned and stretched across
Every promise I broke, every smile you lost…”

-Matthew Ryan, “Drift”

“I used to think that nothing lasts
But I was wrong ’cause some things last
Like the ache of watching you
of letting you sink to sunk

When the past has crawled so high
that you’ve forgotten how you would try
to be the taste on my tongue
long after you had gone

..I’ll leave my words where you can see
should you decide you need me..
Should you decide you need me.”

-Matthew Ryan, “Sunk”

New, from Microsoft Research..

What a farce to call what happens in Abu Ghraib and Gitmo as “torture”. Stacking nude guys into a human pyramid is “torture”? Harassing “religious” terrorists with seductive women is “torture”? Scaring terror suspects with fierce German Shepherds is “torture”?

My frigging ass.

What do you call stuff like this?

Report: Iraqi Militia Killing Gay Men with Painful Anal Glue Torture

The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission writes: “The following is a translation of a story from Alarabiya, a UAE-based media network, which was published on its Arabic website a few hours ago. While IGLHRC has not verified all of the allegations, many are consistent with patterns of human rights violations being reported from within the country.”

The translation:

“A prominent Iraqi human rights activist says that Iraqi militia have deployed a painful form of torture against homosexuals by closing their anuses using ‘Iranian gum.’ … Yina Mohammad told Alarabiya.net that, ‘Iraqi militias have deployed an unprecedented form of torture against homosexuals by using a very strong glue that will close their anus.‘ According to her, the new substance ‘is known as the American hum, which is an Iranian-manufactured glue that if applied to the skin, sticks to it and can only be removed by surgery. After they glue the anuses of homosexuals, they give them a drink that causes diarrhea. Since the anus is closed, the diarrhea causes death. Videos of this form of torture are being distributed on mobile cellphones in Iraq.’ According to this human rights activist, for the past 3 weeks a crackdown on homosexuals has been going on based on a religious decree that demands their death; dozens have been targeted. She says that the persecution of homosexuals is not confined to the Shiite clerics. Some Sunni leaders have also declared the death penalty for sodomy on satellite channels.”

Gluing up the anus and triggering diarrhea, causing the gays to die. Well, that’s horrible but not as bad as the way they kill gays in some other countries..

That’s what we should do with all UMNO bastards. Bloody corrupt robbers, they’re stealing our money every single day and expect us to pledge loyalty to the government. Screw them, I’d love to see each and every one of them executed.

The useless MACC has proven itself to be just another apparatus in the police state created by UMNO. Using circumstantial evidence and hearsay, they will brand Pakatan leaders guilty even before giving them a chance to defend themselves. On the other hand, UMNO criminals and fascists are totally immune despite the millions stolen from right under our noses.

Khir Toyo has been cleared of any wrongdoing, and his asshole wife is still walking free. Meanwhile, the ex-Deputy CM of Penang has been detained at the Singapore border, and Selangor CM Khalid was labeled as guilty for donating cows for Hari Raya Haji.

The latest Balkis inquiry expose’ is even more disgusting.

SHAH ALAM, March 24 — Paid trips to Cambodia and Indonesia, cash payments, a mass wedding for converts, and expensive gifts for VIPs, all in the name of Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), dominated day two of a public inquiry into the Wives of Selangor Elected Representatives Charity Organisation (Balkis).

Today, it was the turn of Permodalan Negri Selangor Berhad (PNSB) chief executive officer Datin Khairiyah Abu Hassan to be “grilled” by the Selangor Select Committee for Competency, Accountability and Transparency (Selcat), over funds which was provided to Balkis since 2002.

Khairiyah, who was accompanied by four aides, disclosed that it was a common practice for the state subsidiary to adhere to all “request” for funds from Balkis, which amounted to between almost RM500,000 to RM1.6 million, annually.

Khairiyah, who was deputy CEO in 2002, disclosed that it was “usual practice” for Balkis officials to make verbal requests for project funds, and it was not unusual for the payments to be made in cash.

During the inquiry she said the “instructions” were sometimes made over the phone but she later retracted and used the term ‘request’ instead which prompted Teng to remind her that she was testifying under oath.

In 2002, PNSB funded a journey of repentance and self-realisation (Keinsafan) for Balkis members. A total of RM82,000 was paid and the money was used to food, accommodation and humanitarian projects as well as an allowance of RM3,000 for a reporter.

Khairiyah said RM38,000 was dispensed in cash and PNSB did not receive a receipt for the money.

In the same year, Balkis also received RM250,000 of which RM100,000 was in cash, to run a motivational camp for SPM students.

Khairiyah said she is not sure what the cash was used for and did not know who ran the course or why the money needed to be paid in cash.

In 2003, PNSB allocated RM1.65 million to Balkis of which RM148,280 was used to fund a mass wedding of 51 couples who were new converts at Dewan Belia and Sukan in Shah Alam.

Almost RM90,000 was spent on food for the estimated 1,500 guests at the wedding and Khairiah admitted there was no proper documentation on how the rest of the money was spent.

Khairiyah was at a loss to explained why huge amounts of cash was being dispensed to Balkis over the year and who received the money.

In 2004, PNSB paid RM3,600 for a “Summermen” suit for its then chairman Dr Mohd Khir Toyo as a souvenir for attending a Chinese New Year function, contrary to General Orders that gifts should not cost more than RM1,000 .

In the same year PNSB paid RM16,000 for Balkis members to go on a trip to Bukit Tinggi, Indonesia.

Meanwhile in 2006, PNSB paid RM50,000, in cash, for the opening of Complex Wawasan Balkis in Shah Alam,  RM13,000 for food and a singer for a Buka Puasa dinner and RM25,000 for several tables at a Balkis charity dinner.

In 2007, PNSB paid RM338,547.97 for the Balkis annual sports event of which RM33,000 was used to buy uniforms for participants.

And there’s more.

SHAH ALAM, March 25 — Permodalan Negri Selangor Berhad (PNSB) chief executive officer Datin Khairiyah Abu Hassan testified before the legislature today that the state subsidiary was ‘instructed” to pick up the cost to Melbourne for the wife of former menteri besar Datin Zahrah Kechik to visit their son who was studying there.

Khairiyah told the Special Select Committee for Competency, Accountability and Transparency (Selcat) that she received the instructions directly from Zahrah and was “told” to accompany her on the three day visit, in 2007.

With all this evidence, and Khir Toyo is still free. His asshole wife is still free. Shortly after knowing that they lost the state of Selangor, Khir Toyo’s administration destroyed all paperwork in the state secretariat building to eliminate evidence of their theft of funds. Balkis funds (that we now know were stolen straight from PNSB and the Selangor state government) were funnelled into the personal accounts of the bitch members. That’s stealing and robbing, plain and clear.

RM1.65 million was given, out of which less than RM150,000 was spent and nobody knows what happened to the remaining RM1.5 million. Over RM330,000 was given out of which RM33,000 was used, and nobody knows where the rest went. And it goes on and on.

And MACC isn’t lifting a bloody finger. And Khir Toyo was found to be “not guilty” or corrupt practices. Balkis members are still happily enjoying their loot. This is just in the state of Selangor. Imagine how much has been stolen from all the other states in Malaysia. How much they’re robbing us and worsening our quality of life, while they’re enjoying with their stolen money and they’re above the law.

These thieving fascist bastards should be executed at the roadside and their bodies thrown into a landfill!

In today’s Malaysiakini, some idiot physician says that nuclear power is not suitable for the world to use based on some dumb leftist disinformation that has as much scientific content as Al Gore’s “An Incovenient Truth”.

“The often quoted excuse that nuclear energy is clean, cheap and safe is a myth.

“Radioactive waste generated by nuclear reactors takes a millennia to decay as the world has yet to discover a safe and efficient method to dispose of it,” McCoy added.

He said plutonium as one example.

“Plutonium has a half-life of 240 centuries. Is radioactive waste a legacy we want to leave behind for future generations? The argument that nuclear energy is cheap is far from the truth. Most nuclear reactors are heavily subsidised and no one knows the real cost of constructing nuclear reactors.

“In addition, nuclear reactors can only operate for a maximum of two decades, after which they will have to be decommissioned. This will incur huge expenses.”

McCoy retired in 1996 as an obstetrician and gynecologist to devote more time to the work of nuclear disarmament.

He hoped that the 20,000 babies he delivered over 40 years in Malaysia could live in a safer, nuclear-free world.

McCoy said the mechanism of nuclear energy production, that of generating nuclear fission to heat water and produce steam that powers turbines, is in actual fact a very expensive way of boiling water.

He added that nuclear energy, because of its potentially catastrophic consequences, must never be considered an alternative by Malaysia, saying ‘Malaysia is a small and narrow country’.

“Regardless of where you build a nuclear reactor in Malaysia, no matter how far away from the city, the entire country and in fact, the entire Asean region, will be at risk.

“To put things in perspective, after the Chernobyl disaster occurred in Ukraine, nuclear contamination was discovered in as far as Scotland,” Dr McCoy remarked.

Okay, aside from that trite, he did make one good point - Malaysia doesn’t have a culture of maintenance, and our nuclear reactors will be buggered up pretty soon because it will be run by monkeys.

Well, that’s not an outright quote of course, but that’s basically the point.

We can see how much of that anti-nuclear claptrap has gone into this doctor’s mentality. That’s like saying that taking a flight is dangerous because so many aviators have died in the past, and that the Wright Brothers’ first airplane is a dangerous pack of sticks and paper.

Okay, let’s look through his disinformation one by one.

1) Radioactive by-products takes up to a millennium to decay

This is only true for designs intended to enrich uranium into plutonium, i.e. fast breeder reactors. Fast breeder reactors are not merely power generation reactors, they are also processing plants to produce weapons-grade plutonium, the sort that takes a millennium to decay!

At present, most developed nations are moving away from fast breeder reactors, unless they wish to produce nuclear weapons while generating electricity at the same time. For example, Iran.

In the event that they do use fast breeder reactors, new designs have made the neutron-capture and thermal-generation stage open-loop, thus preventing substantial enrichment of plutonium in the by-products and instead, the reactors will produce short half-life fissile material that is used for medical or industrial purposes.

In comparison, compact nuclear reactors from Hyperion and Hitachi produce short half-life byproducts which “soft” radioactive output is easily absorbed by the reactor housing itself, thus posing absolutely no environmental harm.

Furthermore, while it is true that dangerous plutonium by-products may take a thousand years or more to decay completely, a spent fuel rod’s radioactivity would have decreased by over 99.9% after 40 years, while for the rest of the remaining 1000+ years its radiation output borders between low to negligible.

2) Nuclear reactor construction is heavily subsidized and no one knows their real cost.

This sentence itself is an oxymoron. Of course we know the real cost for building a nuclear reactor! We even have compact nuclear reactors nowadays that are capable of producing 20kW to 80kW for decades while not having any harmful by products, such as the Hyperion Nuclear Battery and Hitachi’s micro nuclear reactor.

We have 20kW to 100kW nuclear reactors powering nuclear carriers for decades now. Scaling up the designs with larger reactor cores, boiler chambers and turbines, we end up with nuclear plants capable of anywhere between 25MW to over 500MW output.

3) Nuclear reactors can only function for two decades

This is one of the stupidest points that he raised. 1st- and 2nd-generation reactors can function for 20 to 30 years, but that is 1970s technology. Furthermore, their lifespan is due to gradual weakening of the reactor core due to radiation and high pressures.

The current 3rd-generation reactor designs can last up to 60 years. Nuclear fuel reprocessing and reactor core rebuilds can extend a nuclear reactor’s lifespan by a few more decades.

4) Linking nuclear reactors to nuclear weapons and nuclear disarmament

Again, this statement is not just ignorant, it’s full of disinformation.

Current 3rd-generation reactors that use Low Enriched Uranium (which by itself isn’t weapons-grade) do not produce weapons-grade by-products, nor do they pose a significant environmental risk, if at all.

Uranium is as abundant in the Earth’s crust as tin, and silver is 35 times rarer than uranium. There are natural nuclear reactors on the face of this planet in which natural uranium deposits produce a self-sustaining chain reaction.

There will never be a time when the world is “nuclear-free”. Background radiation from radon and uranium will always be around. Our primary source of energy, the Sun itself, is a continuous nuclear fusion reactor. The source of geothermal heat itself is due to nuclear reactions within the Earth’s core (which also contributes to background radiation).

Furthermore, other than nuclear energy (both fission and fusion), there is no other practical way to satisfy the energy demands of the world short of a Dyson swarm orbiting the Earth (or the Sun at slightly beyond Earth orbit!), capturing the Sun’s rays while beaming down electrical power through microwaves.

This statement is just another ignorant leftist fear-mongering tactic to support an equally ignorant anti-nuclear-energy mentality.

5) Nuclear reactors are just a very expensive way to boil water

Well, of course it’s more than just that. You see, nuclear reactors can generate several million Pascals of pressure. This amount of pressure can drive turbines at almost supersonic speeds, and the temperatures attained (and hence the thermodynamic efficiency) is far, far higher than any other form of turbine power generation.

Proposed 4th- and 5th-generation nuclear reactor designs will also incorporate direct energy conversion mechanisms that will capture the UV output of the nuclear reactor in addition to its thermal energy.

Carbon nanotube arrays have also been shown to be capable of harnessing heat and acoustic energy directly, and this might be a potential mechanism to capture reactor heat more efficiently than using a turbine (or it might be used in conjunction with a turbine).

Outside of a reactor core, there is very little high-energy radiation that can be captured as electricity by Faraday cages due to the use of neutron dampers and reflectors such as uranium-238 and beryllium that slows down, reflect or capture neutrons and hard (ionizing) radiation from the reactor core.

There is absolutely no way that a solar heater array, fuel-fired turbine plant, geothermal plant or hydroelectric dam can even approach the power output and efficiency of the nuclear reactor, thanks to the immense temperatures and pressures that it can impart to water.

Therefore, it’s not just an “expensive way to boil water”. To those without any engineering knowledge (and scientific charlattans), it would appear to be so. That’s just like saying that driving a car is like straddling across two motorbikes just because superficially, both modes of motorized transport have four wheels.

Oh, and did you also know that the water in the reactor is primarily for core cooling, and the water gets boiled as a result of drawing heat away from the reactor core? Does that make a car’s radiator a complicated way of boiling water?

6) Chernobyl disaster, the potential for nuclear meltdown and the risk to Malaysia and the whole of Asean.

Yet another irresponsibly fear-mongering piece of disinformation.

The reactor at Chernobyl was a primitive design using highly enriched uranium fuel which by itself is weapons-grade, and its by-product is weapons-grade plutonium. The reactor’s meltdown was caused by human error itself, and not due to the inate danger of the reactor. Specifically, the operators were unaware of xenon poisoning and removed the reactor’s control rods - something that must never be done, has never been done, and has never again been done anywhere else.

Since then, subsequent nuclear reactor designs have incorporated many passive and active safety mechanisms to prevent nuclear meltdown. In the case of modern reactors that use low enriched uranium, there is absolutely no possibility of nuclear meltdown.

I am pro-nuclear energy because it truly is a clean and cheap source of energy once we get it right. With new methods of decentralized power generation such as micro reactors and nuclear batteries that do not pose a threat to the environment while providing consistent electrical output for a few decades, this appears to be a highly practical way to go.

Local councils can deploy these decentralized self-contained miniature nuclear reactors in every district, and tie them up to a national grid (or as a separate mini-nuke reactor grid). Not only will the power grid be more survivable, we would be able to distribute the risk of power outages across larger geographical areas and hence obtain a much higher grid efficiency with less breakdowns, brownouts and blackouts.

Fear-mongering by global warming preachers and anti-nuclear proponents are just harming mankind’s chances of survival into the next five decades. Such non-constructive and dubious arguments from malinformed “experts” (who are, more often than not, treading in unfamiliar territory beyond their scope of expertise) will just retard the development and progress of the human race while depriving us of practical plans for the future.

Finally, here’s a screen capture of the article from Malaysiakini:

The funny thing is that the “nuclear reactor” pictured there is a Tokomak. That’s a fusion reactor, the holy grail of clean nuclear energy in which hydrogen fuel undergoes self-sustaining nuclear fusion just as the Sun does.

The Tokomak picture makes this article all the more ironic as it is the best power-generation technology that is currently being researched by nuclear physicists, and it is totally non-polluting and has no harmful by-products at all. If we can finally develop a working Tokomak reactor, it’s been said that we would have mastered nuclear fusion and our world will no longer have any energy crises.

And yes, it’s technically a nuclear reactor.

A nuclear-free future? Not by any chance, not even by a close mile.

Last year, when Intel pushed their Atom processors aggressively into the Netbook market, the Atom practically became synonymous with low-power (and low-performance) computing. The processor’s power envelope is very low - within 5 watts typical. However, the letdown is the chipset that the Atom is commonly paired with  - the Intel 945GC series. This chipset is a bit long in the tooth but does its job nevertheless. With an anaemic built-in graphics processor (that has 4 pixel pipelines which rely heavily on host-based processing) and lacklustre overall performance, the 945GC got the job done nevertheless. However, it’s easily the most power-hungry component of a Netbook - the north and south bridges draw 10 watts of power under regular circumstances. Solid-state drives on Netbooks draw less than a watt, while small form factor hard drives draw less than 3 watts.

nVidia showed off their Ion platform that draws approximately the same amount of power as the 945GC chipset, but it has far more capabilities. It was able to playback high-definition videos at up to 1080p resolution. It could actually allow the Atom processor to run 3D games. It could support high-definition audio. In short, the Ion would allow the Atom to be the heart of a home theatre PC that could play back Blu Ray movies and simple 3D games.

It would be some time before nVidia’s Ion platform goes commercial. In the meantime, nVidia has another system-on-a-chip (SoC) for low-power platforms, the Tegra. In contrast to the Ion platform, the Tegra isn’t meant for x86 processors. The Tegra incorporates an ARM architecture processor core, the same type that’s usually found in embedded systems, PDAs and smartphones.

The software base for ARM processors is HUGE. Symbian, Linux and Windows Mobile are all able to run on ARM. The next logical step for HTPCs and Netbooks, that have so far been Atom-centric, is to adopt the ARM architecture due to its much lower overall power consumption (leading to longer battery life and lower heat output).

Two new developments have enabled this development to be fast-tracked. FreeScale has just released their i.MX515 SoC based around the Cortex A8 ARM core that is 3-4 times faster than the ARM11 processors found in many PDAs and smartphones today. In many respects, it’s quite similar to the many ARM processors in portable devices today (based on the ARM instruction set, has a single-core RISC processor, etc.). However, this architectural block diagram shows the full extent of its capabilities:

It comes with the Neon DSP unit for functions similar to MMX and SSE to accelerate algorithms. It comes with hardware encryption. It has dedicated image-processing hardware. It has hardware decoders for high-definition video. It supports OpenGL ES 2.0 and OpenVG 1.1. It has everything necessary for a HTPC and of course, a Netbook.

Another powerful newcomer is Texas Instrument’s OMAP4 SoC. Unlike the simpler i.MX515, it has a dual-core ARM Cortex A9 processor. The Cortex A9 is scalable up to four cores and the OMAP4 might incorporate a quad-core Cortex A9 later. On top of that, this new architecture is up to 4 times faster than the Cortex A8, making it up to 16 times faster than the common ARM11 processors.

The OMAP4 is much more suitable for a Netbook that is able to do more than just web-surfing and casual e-mailing.

It incorporates a punchy PowerVR SGX540 graphics engine that goes along well with its powerful dual-core RISC processor. It can drive display resolutions of up to 1680×1050 but supports full HD decode for 1080p content. It also supports a pretty comprehensive 3D feature set, exceeding OpenGL 2.0 specifications and complying with DirectX 10.1Shader Model 4.1.

And just like the i.MX515, it has dedicated units for image processing, encryption, and lots of other stuff. Both the i.MX515 and OMAP4, however, do not have published power consumption figures. However, with the similar nVidia Tegra weighing in at under 4 watts for a complete system (processor and chipset) excluding the I/O and memory subsystems, these two newcomers should have similar power envelopes.

What does this translate to? Netbooks, HTPCs and compact home servers that are capable enough for office applications, simple 3D gaming and full-HD content playback while consuming a total of less than 10 watts, thus allowing common 3-cell lithium ion battery packs to provide such Netbooks with over 6 hours of batter life, while HTPCs and home servers are able to run passively-cooled all day round without leaving a large dent in the power bill.

Their biggest weakness could be the ARM processor core, as the available operating systems and applications for it are very different compared to what we’re familiar with. However, that hasn’t lowered the popularity of Linux-installed Netbooks throughout the whole of last year, so this should be a moot point.

On the x86 front, we have VIA still struggling to compete with the Atom because they have stupidly priced their platform unreasonably high. Yes, it’s better than the Atom’s platform in every way but at the end of the day, such low-powered compact platforms should also be low-cost. VIA started the Mini-ITX revolution but ironically, they are now the ones left behind.

VIA’s new VX855 Media System Processor (i.e. single-chip “chipset”) might change all that. It supports full-HD content playback, 3D graphics (with the antiquated S3 Chrome series graphics core that only has DirectX 9.0 feature set), high-definition audio, direct video capture and direct display interface. However, its major weak point is that it only supports VIA’s own Nano, C7 and Eden processors.

Some current Netbooks use the VIA platform with the C7 processor, though the VIA Nano would be more interesting. This platform is much more power efficient than the Atom-945GC combo, and has better overall performance while delivering more features that would be great for ultraportables and HTPCs. Looking past the limited CPU support, its main advantage is that the platform is x86-compatible and is able to even run Windows Vista and the upcoming Windows 7, thus guaranteeing broad software support.

Thanks to the Atom, we’re all introduced to small and power-efficient computer. The seed that was sowed in 2008 will be reaped in 2009 and 2010 with these new platforms, and probably I’ll get a Netbook then, based on any of these new platforms. For now, I’m gunning for an Atom all-in-one board for my BitTorrent file server.. it’ll surely be more easy on the electricity bill than my current full-blown PC that runs 24/7 most of the time.

In today’s tragic news, Martha Stewart’s puppy was killed in a blast..

LEHIGHTON, Pa. - Martha Stewart’s chow puppy was one of 17 dogs killed in an accidental propane explosion at an eastern Pennsylvania kennel.

The domestic maven wrote on her blog that she was “deeply saddened” by the death of her dog, Ghengis Khan, in Friday’s blast at Pazzazz Pet Boarding, a kennel in the Pocono Mountains that breeds and trains show dogs.

Fifteen dogs were killed in the explosion, and two more died over the weekend.

Some people’s efforts in going all-out to silence Mongolians have gone a bit too far. Are they sure it’s propane and not C4?

Here’s a funny post of the day.. This has happened a couple of times before and it has happened again. I wonder why the Palestinians living inside Israel (or Israeli Arabs as some of them prefer to call themselves) didn’t figure out a change in tactics. After all, it’s not as if they can get their hands on an armored Caterpillar D9, so why bother using a shitty construction vehicle as a terror weapon?

JERUSALEM, March 6 - A Palestinian man commandeered a construction vehicle yesterday on a major road and swung a police car into the air, smashing it against a bus before bystanders opened fire on him and police shot him dead.

The incident, the third of its kind in the past year, came a day after the latest US visit to push Israel’s hawkish future leaders into another try at Mideast peacemaking.

The two officers inside the police car escaped with slight injuries, police said. The bus, which was parked at an intersection, was empty.

Video footage from a traffic surveillance camera showed a front-end loader scoop up the car with its shovel, hurl it into the air and slam it against the bus.

Police and bystanders opened fire at the driver, and the vehicle crashed to a stop against an electricity pole.

Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld identified the driver as Mar’i al-Rdaidah, a 26-year-old from east Jerusalem. It wasn’t clear whether the man was affiliated with a militant group, Rosenfeld said.

“It is without a doubt a terror attack,” Jerusalem’s deputy police chief, Nisso Shachar, told reporters.

Israeli government spokesman Mark Regev called the rampage a “senseless act of violence against innocent civilians.”

Shachar said an open copy of the Quran, Islam’s holy book, was found inside the front-end loader. The book’s presence could indicate the attacker was influenced by Islamic radicals, though many Muslims routinely carry the Quran.

Al-Rdaidah’s mother told Channel 10 TV her son was a “respectable and devout person.“

“He went to the mosque all the time and left home only to work,” she said. Her name was not given.

The rampage came a day after US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton ended her first Mideast visit in the job, and days before Israel celebrates Purim, a holiday in which schools are closed, children dress up in costumes and families visit parties and public events.

Barkat said the attack would not stop next week’s celebrations, and he urged the government to demolish al-Rdaidah’s home. Israel suspended such demolitions years ago, after it drew international criticism.

“We need to make sure that deterrence is as strong as possible,” Barkat said.

Al-Rdaidah charged at the police car at an intersection off Begin Highway, a main artery traversing the city from north to south.

“We stopped at a red light and saw in the opposing lane on the left a tractor ramming into a police car with two officers inside and overturning it,” another officer, Eldad Ben Nun, told Channel 2 TV.

“We stopped the car, I ran over to the tractor and pulled out my gun, fired a few bullets at him (the driver) until he slumped over.”

The driver sat up again, and another officer shot him three more time with an M-16 assault rifle “and the incident was over,” he said.

Two taxi drivers also said they opened fire.

It was the third time in months that a Palestinian man from east Jerusalem has turned a construction vehicle into a weapon on Jerusalem’s streets. Palestinians in east Jerusalem are not Israeli citizens but carry Israeli ID cards that allow them freedom of movement throughout the country.

In early July, three people were killed and dozens were wounded when an attacker ploughed into cars and a bus. Three weeks later, another attacker rammed a bus, overturned a car and wounded five people.

In September, a third driver ploughed his car into a crowd of Israeli soldiers, wounding 19.

All of the attackers were shot dead by bystanders.

In the Gaza Strip, the ruling Hamas militant group praised the latest attack. “We bless this operation today in Jerusalem,” said spokesman Fawzi Barhoum.

“The Palestinian people have the right to defend themselves, and we emphasize we will defend our homeland.”

New fighting also surged yesterday in Gaza, about 50 miles (80 kilometres) southwest of Jerusalem.

Two Islamic Jihad militants were killed and a third was wounded in an Israeli airstrike.

Militants then fired 10 rockets and mortar shells at Israel, and Israeli aircraft struck five times against suspected weapons-smuggling tunnels in southern Gaza.

Gaza health official Dr. Moaiya Hassanain said two bodies were removed from a tunnel in the area, but it was not clear whether that tunnel was targeted.

There has been sporadic violence since Israel ended a fierce three-week offensive in Gaza on Jan. 18. Egypt has been trying to broker a long-term truce.- AP

Wow. Bystanders opening fire on the driver.. and bystanders killing the previous bulldozer terrorists. I guess Israelis are armed to the teeth all the time, or they’re as ass-kicking as Zohan. And here’s another common thread - somehow such attacks are always perpetrated by people whom those close to them describe as “devout”, “respected”, “kind and jovial”, etc.

What could possibly drive them towards they Hydian transformation from gentle, devout people into mass murderers and terrorists? Or rather, what taught them the Jekylian trick of concealing their evil beneath a veneer of kindness and docility?

Out of boredom, thanks to a thread on Lowyat.net forums..

Before:

After:

What could possibly go wrong?

What a way to look forward to the weekend. It is known throughout history that Friday is a day for widespread unproductivity (if there’s such a word).

In general, our brains work slower and we tend to engage in nonsense. I’m supposed to be finishing this damn document that’s been pending for quite some time but hey, it’s a Friday after all.. time to appreciate some meaningful communications with my pals..

Crazy shit. How else can we describe these bullshit.

So it looks like suicide bombers resort to martyrdom because somebody raped them, and told them “Look, you’ve been shafted in the ass before (or you’ve been raped before) and to Allah, you’re unclean. You’re going to hell. Can you imagine the shame you’re causing your family? The only way you’re going to heaven is to be a martyr fighting in Allah’s cause. Go ahead and pick up your bomb vest from counter 2, and proceed to counter 3 to get a map to the nearest enemy checkpoint. All the best!”

EVIL al-Qaeda chiefs are raping young male converts to shame them into becoming suicide bombers, it emerged yesterday.

The intense social stigma and fear of more gay sex attacks leaves Muslims prepared to die.

The warped new tactic was revealed by a reformed Algerian militant. Abu Baçir El Assimi said: “The sexual act on young recruits aged between 16 to 19 was a means to urge them to commit suicide operations.”

A 22-year-old had suffered sexual injuries before being shot dead on a suicide mission in Tademaït, Algeria, three weeks ago. Samples taken from his body are being analysed in a bid to identify his torturer.

And the US military discovered two years ago that al-Qaeda were dishonouring women in Iraq to turn them into suicide bombers. A terror leader would marry, then let another man rape his wife.

It was also revealed yesterday how a 51-year-old woman militant had recruited more than 80 women as suicide bombers.

Samira Jassim, who calls herself “the mother of believers”, targeted the weak and troubled. Arrested after a tip-off, she admitted orchestrating 28 successful bombings.

Experts believe al-Qaeda’s sick tactics may be a sign of desperation. One said: “Perhaps they are running short of potential martyrs.”

Iraqi woman had 80 women raped then recruited as suicide bombers

A WOMAN suspected of recruiting more than 80 female suicide bombers has confessed to organising their rapes so she could later convince them that martyrdom was the only way to escape the shame.

Samira Jassim, 51, was arrested by Iraqi police and confessed to recruiting the women and orchestrating dozens of attacks.

In a video confession, she explained how she had mentally prepared the women for martyrdom operations, passed them on to terrorists who provided explosives, and then took the bombers to their targets.

“We arrested Samira Jassim, known as ‘Um al-Mumenin’, the mother of the believers, who was responsible for recruiting 80 women”, Major General Qassim Atta said.

“She confessed her responsibility for these actions, and she confirmed that 28 attempts had been made in one of the terrorists’ strongholds,” he said.

This has got to be the most unbelievable excuse ever.. Despite launching thousands of rocket attacks against Israeli civilians, Hamas is rarely (if ever) condemned or demonized by “human rights” groups and the media. But, if Israel launches a counter-attack, all these biased organizations will have a field day covering all that “oppression”, “aggression”, “barbaric destruction” and “genocide” inflicted by the evil Zionists.

Ever wondered why such “human rights” groups and mass media are so biased?

Oh, that’s not hard to figure out. That’s because Hamas openly violates international law, while Israel claims it tries to minimize civilian casualty, so Israel should be scrutinized and demonized.

No, really.

Human rights groups argued Wednesday that a detailed probe into Hamas’s firing of Kassam rockets at Israeli communities is not necessary, because it constitutes such a “blatant” war crime. By contrast, Israel’s actions are more complex, and therefore do require such investigation, they said.

War crimes, said Sarit Micha’eli of B’tselem, are those actions that violate Article III of the Geneva Convention, and it was clear that Hamas was in violation of the requirement of distinction between civilian and military targets.

“It makes it quite easy regarding Hamas. It is quite clear that they are attacking and targeting civilians. When someone straps a bomb on themselves or fire missiles at civilians, the details are less important. It is clearly a war crime without even looking at the details,” she said. “Even if they fired a Kassam missile as a military target, the fact that it is an inaccurate weapon, it would still count as an indiscriminate attack.”

“With Israel things are more complicated because Israel states it does not deliberately target civilians and that it safeguards them. With Israel, you have to investigate each specific incident because even if a civilian is killed in an attack, it doesn’t mean its necessarily a war crime. Targeting civilians is a war crime, but the damage to civilians in a given situation isn’t indicative of a war crime.”

Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhoum was quoted by AP Wednesday as saying Hamas attacks on southern Israel towns are “a means of self-defense.”

“Those are not civilians. They are all soldiers,” Barhoum said of the residents of southern Israel. “We are firing at places that bring us the F-16s, the warplanes and the tanks.”

But Micha’eli dismissed Barhoum’s statements as absurd. “No credible human rights law expert would accept that excuse,” she added.

Australian firefighter David Tree should be given a medal for this magical moment that was caught on camera.

While patrolling the fire-damaged forests, he noticed this poor injured koala crawling slowly among the burned trees.

The koala noticed them, and sat down with a sad look on its face.. his paws were burned by the fires.. “It was amazing, he turned around, sat on his bum and sort of looked at me with (a look) like, put me out of my misery,” said Tree.

He asked for a bottle of water and started to give the poor koala a drink. Tree said, “He kept reaching for the bottle, almost like a baby.”

They then handed in the injured koala to animal welfare officers.

This picture of Tree feeding water to the injured koala is truly worth a thousand words, maybe ten thousand.

David Tree and other Australian firefighters are still valiantly fighting the raging fires that are suspected to have been started by arsonists. They have been rescuing people and animals while putting their own lives at risk. The fires have been a great disaster for Australia. Eyewitnesses have reported numerous heart-wrenching scenes of koalas being burned alive on treetops and falling to their deaths.. kangaroos hopping around the countryside with their bodies on fire.. wombats and other poor animals being cooked alive for not being able to outrun the fire.. people burned to death in their cars while fleeing the extraordinarily fast-spreading fires..

This could be the most tragic episode yet in the recent history of Australia. May deliverance come to them soon.

Sultan Azlan Shah has really disappointed the whole country. Now UMNO is back in their element, driving the Pakatan leaders out of government institutions as if there’s no tomorrow.

While the Pakatan government gracefully allowed the UMNO regime to take their belongings and gave them a grace period to handover the government buildings, UMNO took advantage of that grace to destroy evidence of corruption and malpractice by shredding official documents. Now, when UMNO wants to take Perak, they’re treating the Pakatan leaders like criminal suspects.

This is what Sultan Azlan Shah has given us. This is what the good Sultan is encouraging. This is the sort of politics that he supports.

Daulat Tuanku my ass.

The writing’s on the wall - BN will definitely lose their position as the Federal Government in 2012. With the monarchs playing the same dirty game as UMNO (and maybe even being in UMNO’s pocket), they will reap what they sow. Come 2012, when Pakatan has over two-thirds majority in Parliament, the rulers will definitely be stripped of every privilege and authority and be far, far less than figureheads.

4.58pm: A new BN government is expected to be sworn in today. Bernama reported that Deputy Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak and the state BN representatives have arrived at Istana Kinta. Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who is on an official visit to the state, is also expected to be present at the palace any time now.

4.53pm: The police have taken over the state secretariat building. All Pakatan officials in the complex are told to pack up and leave by 5pm.

4.50pm: Pakatan leader Anwar Ibrahim said that they want to meet the sultan to convince him to dissolve the assembly.

4.45pm: PAS president Abdul Hadi Awang said that the Pakatan leadership fully backed Mohd Nizar’s government. He added that the menteri besar will not resign unless a special state assembly session was called or fresh elections held.

4.40pm: Mohd Nizar tells the press conference that he would not resign from his post as the menteri besar. He urged the people to back his Pakatan government.

4.14pm Unconfirmed reports state that former DAP state assemblyperson Hee Yit Foong’s house in Ipoh and her service centre in Jelapang have been pelted with stones by people angry with her defection.

4.10pm Roads leading to the state secretariat have been blocked by the police to stop people from gathering there.

4.05pm: State secretary Abdul Rahman Hashim instructs Menteri Besar Mohd Nizar, all exco members and their aides to vacate their offices at the state secretariat as soon as possible. They have been reminded not to take any official documents with them. They were also told to hand in their official car keys as well as the keys to their offices