Some streets lead nowhere..
Posted by Jae Senn on June 21, 2009
“If I wasted your beauty, I’ll ignite it somehow..
’cause a dream can be cruel when it haunts you like this
with your eyes like a deer and the words from your lips
What I’m trying to say is I was afraid that you’d leave
so I slept with my failures and I started to grieve..
I started to grieve..”
-Matthew Ryan, “Some streets lead nowhere”
Daunting decisions bring out the worst in us all. I’m seeing the worst of me coming up right now itself. My head’s like a junkyard full of precious treasures as well as unwanted scraps from days of yore.. and I’m picking at them while they’re cluttering my thoughts.
Of all times, I’m asking myself right now “Is this what I want”. Of all times, I’m asking myself right now “Is this the right way to go”. There could be a catalyst, there could be a trigger.. I could have been Stockholm’ed without realizing it all these years, I don’t bloody well know.
But now, I’m asking myself this question.. Am I doing the right thing? There’s a fork in the road, the choice is black or white, but the considerations are all in heavy shades of gray. This fork was there all along but perhaps I didn’t pay enough attention to it. Perhaps it looked like it was 500 miles away while I was covering half a mile a day. But now here I am, at the point that the road diverges, and I’ve got to make a decision.
I could camp this one out. I could take a break. But if I take a break or distract myself, I could risk not coming down the same path ever again. It could be for better or it could be for worse, I can’t tell at this point, not when my brain’s at its least objective mood in its operational history.
All I can do at this time is to uncluttter my mind and heart and hope for some guidance from on high.
