Who Gives A Rat’s Ass

Got the news that Yasmin Ahmad passed away today. And to think that just a few weeks back, she was just back from Taipei and asked me if I’d like to watch the Muallaf and Talentime screenings, and told me that she’ll be headed for Saigon next.

Yasmin Ahmad was definitely a Malaysian through and through. In between all the political and racist nonsense that’s going around in all directions in Malaysia that make us ashamed and embarrassed for being Malaysians, her films and advertisements on the other hand make us proud to be Malaysians, and never fail to make us sit back and think “You know what, Malaysia’s a pretty cool place after all.. a lovely plural society, a mixing pot of cultures..”.

I was planning to drop by at Leo Burnett again in the coming couple of weeks or so to watch Muallaf and Talentime for the first time, and get some DVDs from her if she had made the copies already. Between the time that she came back from Taipei and leaving off to Saigon, I was busy, and we planned to meet up after she’s back from Saigon. Well, looks like that plan got cut short.

I wouldn’t say that I truly knew her well although we have met quite a number of times. Hell, I’ve never even had any pictures taken together with her, not even on the set of Muallaf. Sometimes, Yasmin being the funny and naughty person that she was, used to give me some weird advice, like that time when I told her that the nurse at the Mediviron clinic looked hot and she could easily be an extra in her films, and she just told me “Tell you what.. when you walk up to the counter to collect your medication, ask her for her phone number. If she gives it to you, the next thing you need to do is ask her out”.

I guess that’s her worldview. Always direct, and always passionate about life, about relationships (and potential relationships). She dispensed similar advice when we were checking out that cute waitress at Subang Parade.. and kindly obliged to the waitress’ request for an autograph and helpfully told her “This macho man over here is still single, by the way!”.

Well, that’s her.

Always spontaneous, and sometimes unpredictable.. like how she’d break out into swear words around Harith Iskandar at times.

I guess that’s about the only things I’ll remember of her.. always encouraging me to go after one cute girl or another, and always cordial with whomever she comes across. Like that time in Ipoh, when she asked me where were my wallet, handphones, etc. and I told her “Oh, I left it with Wahida.. it’s in that thing of hers.. that bag, or sack.. That sack thing” and she asked me “Oh, her sack?? When will you get her in the sack with you? YOUR sack?” and I laughed and was saying some shit about getting Wahida in my sack when awkwardly, that cute and pretty Wahida came in.. I sodding hope she didn’t hear none of that shit, though.

She’s always low-profile, and people had to look twice to be sure that she’s Yasmin Ahmad. I remember this time when we were having a meal at KFC, and a family sitting nearby kept glancing towards our table, and eventually walked over and asked her “Excuse me, are you Yasmin Ahmad?” and she just replied “Yes, I am! And you’re mister?..” and that guy replied accordingly and told her “We’re all big fans of your movies and advertisements! Keep up the good work, nice to have seen you here!”.

Well, I really don’t know how to feel knowing that she has passed away. On the one hand, she has always felt like that nice distant friend who’s always ready to lend an ear any time of day. On the other hand, she’s this larger-than-life director and film-maker that I don’t really know all that well. I’m not sure why I haven’t really gotten to know her better while she was alive.

She had even asked me before, “Sayang, when are you coming over to watch a screening of Muallaf? Just tell me when you’re free and I’ll put in on for you at the Leo Burnett auditorium”. Somehow, regretfully, I never made the time to do so. At other times, knowing that it’s a public screening, I would be “busy” partially because I really am, and perhaps partially because there might be some sycophants and ass-kissers roaming about to get close to her. Hell, it even got to a point when she asked me “I’ve screened Muallaf to thousands of audiences all over the world, when would you like to see yourself on screen?” and I told her “Well, I’m sure I sucked”. Bloody hell, I was only on for a couple of minutes or so, I’m sure it’s not much of a fuss to make about.

I remember that time while we were having supper, and she excitedly told me that she managed to secure funding for Talentime (or was if Muallaf?) from a kind old man in Ipoh who was a big fan of her movies. While making her earlier movies, she got to know this man and he (who’s pretty loaded) really appreciated her efforts at making Malaysian movies and he offered her RM1 million of his own money to finance her next film. And she thanked God for it.

On the set of Muallaf, they were shooting a scene till 4am. When it was a wrap, she went over to the monitor to check things out, and once certain that she got the shot, she gave everyone a thumbs up, and kinda said “Thank God!” for the good shots too.

At every turn, whenever good fortune smiled down on her, she’ll thank God. Whenever she had any setbacks, she’ll say she has her faith in God to see her through.

Well, that’s her. Always faithful and optimistic.

I remember that time when we had a long, long conversation till late at night about inter-racial relations and inter-racial relationships.. and she told me that she’s quarter-Japanese because one of her grandparents is a Japanese, but now she considers herself a Malay and a Malaysian, and don’t see her parents or grandparents as immigrants or anything like that. And she married a Chinese man because of his sincerity and how he cared for her. And she gave another funny nugget of advice - Try not to marry a Chinese, try and make it an inter-racial marriage for the sake of my children and the future of the country. Haha. Well, that’s a pretty good advice, I must say.

When I eventually had a Chinese girlfriend, her advice was that I must make sure my children are color-blind (racially) and have a true Malaysian spirit. I joked back to her “Yeah, I’ll show them your films and ads. That would help, right?”. She asked me to make sure I invite her for my wedding but well, looks like that’s another plan cut short.

Well, I don’t really know what else to say exactly. I had the privilege of knowing her personally, but I wished I could have known her better than I did. I’m sure that there are many other friends of hers out there who, like me, had their plans with her cut short as well.

One thing that we can’t deny is that her legacy will definitely remain for a long, long, long time. To many, if not all Malaysians, her works are way up there with P. Ramlee. She’s the pride of our nation, our own local heroine.

She (and her works) will always be larger than life yet small enough to fit into each of our hearts.

Rest in Peace, Yasmin. And may our Malaysia someday be your Malaysia.